Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
