I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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