My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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