I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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