went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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