porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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