I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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