Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
