he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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