Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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