Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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