i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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