Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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