I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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