I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize