I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
