if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
