Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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