I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
