That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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