I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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