Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
