If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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