Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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