I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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