Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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