True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
