He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
