rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize