she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
