the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
