i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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