There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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