mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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