i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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