i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
