Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
