It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
