we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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