morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
