i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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