the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Did you just see the Batmobile???
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
