in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
