My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
