talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
