Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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