i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
