You can't special order awesome
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
