Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
