And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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