I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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