Having a random hookup so left but love u
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
