i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
