Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
