I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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