dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
