When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
