Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
