YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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