i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
