I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
