I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
