God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My cat gives me a boner
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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