hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
MIDGETS
????
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My vagina is very pro this idea
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
