I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
