He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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