if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
