Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize