Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
