so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
