How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
