we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize